I love thee, but not them... The magic of "in-laws".
I love thee, but not them... The magic of "in-laws".
--
Growing up with many extend family members is a wonderful thing, it just shown you a lot about life, which, in some way, prevent you from doing the exact thing they done, that you don't feel "normal" about it.
My lovely grandparent had bunch of siblings, thus, numerous unknown relationships are upon on you when you were born. Upon till this day, I'm still confused on who's who, and what those weird connections mean. I love the way Western world states: "Uncle", "Aunt", that's it. And "Uncle to the third degree", or "Aunt to the fifth degree" is also a mystery, however, in today's fast environment, you often don't know they are even exist.
Action, and Drama, among these tight relationships are just a fun watch, gossiping, badmouthing, behind the scene actions, planning, etc., is a strategic planning, Project-K, K, for knock-out. Of course, it's not that dramatic all the time, but it could happen, from time to time. And that's what made us human, where the fun begins, and lively society is based on.
BRAVO's "Real xxxxxx in xxxxx" can't even compare to this trueness around the world, 24/7.
It is your first training ground, prep for the world to conquer, shape you to be whomever you don't want to be, as psychologically shown, it's in you somewhere, waiting to be tick. So, a great self-control is needed, and can be learn. That is, if you know what to learn and what to avoid.
A new union between two party is a joy, of course, however, there's a behind the scene as well.
"I love thee, but not them."
A join between two single person can happen easily, yet, with two families, well, it's a joy as well, a different kind of joy.
I often heard and watch the way people mention about the "in-laws", from various generations, sorry, I just happen to know a lot of people, and they do like to chat. The magic word of "in-law" really can change the topic into a phantom zone, you often will heard all sorts of creative comments that's beyond your normal imagination. I'm sure, many in the situation can tell you 'even more' about their case, and injustices or something they truly felt. And believe me, they all said their case is: 'one and unique'...
Honestly, I even heard the similar story from a very kind friend of mine, I was bit shock at the time, and looked at her in my deep thinking while she kept chatting about her 'unique' story.
"In-Laws" are magical, but, haven't you met with them before your union?? Aren't you suppose to know them before you tie the knot? Or you just simply ignoring them at the time, think they will be gone and disappear??
Come on~ Marriage is between two families, it's never about the two person happily tie together!
It started with two person, and all those behind them, then fuse together, it's an union of human being.
If people are so blindly ignoring this fact, then... "What WERE YOU THINKING???"
Yes, love a person is easy, love an entire family is a challenge, especially if that family is huge.
However, is it really that difficult to love two extra person? The two person that brought you the "perfect partner", who raise and nurture him/her for you? Maybe you can ignore the siblings if you want to, but can't you just love your partner's parent as your own?
"Your parent, my parent, your dad, my dad, your mom, my mom...."
It's "OUR PARENT!! OUR DAD, OUR MOM!!" You idiot...
More crucially, without them, there's no "US". I guess some people never thought of that...
It's a straightforward concept, but seems difficult to execute... to some, it's an alien founding, and still refuse to accept.
Regardless of race, education level, location, this really seem to be a 'hub' of all issues.
In technical world, we 'troubleshoot', in psychology world, we study and find the patterns.
In real life, it's a mess when mentioning "in-laws". And often time a marriage went bad because of the tiniest thing like this, as it evolves overtime, it became a hurdle in the marriage.
According to U.S. study, the phrase "Mother-in-Law" done the most magic, most destructive, it should have a category of its own, and would likely fill up Wikipeidia in no time.
Then, if this is somewhat true, and history do shown it often and well, aren't you suppose to "look" before you, uh, "purchase"??
In many way, people do comparison shoppings, there are many sites provide the information to assist your shopping experience, and course, in U.S., the refund policy is pretty generous.
Sorry, I don't suggest you to "refund" your marriage, but I think, I think you can at least done the research before your marriage...
Research topics can be vary, just like academia, tons of idea and weird topic can be thesis...
So.... what's so difficult to try to understand the two lovely parent who created the one you're deeply in love with??
If you think, you are deeply love bits and piece of a person, does it hurt to explore his/her origin? and try to understand how, why he/she become to be the "perfect one" for you? If you never really spend time to know the parent, then started having complaints post marriage, it's your fault.
On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to have "extra parent", who would care about you, and love you. The extra "potential parent', is great~ isn't it?
Why you have to push them away, and badmouthing them from behind?? (actually, if you really want to badmouth a person, it's more fun to do it in their face.. that's another topic...)
Often time, hearing the arguments against the "in-laws" just made me wonder, how could a kind person began to say the way they said, their facial expression is amazing. I would really want to take the picture or videotape it down for them to watch on their own when they calm down.... Or, shown the clip during their kids' wedding~~ "yeah kids, it's okay if one day you want to protest, 'cause they done it before'..."
Unlike many things in life, the union like this can't be selected, you can't say you want the "perfect one" but not their parent, or their siblings. Likewise, once you started making this type of concerns, your "perfect one" will do the same to your family as well. Vice versa, it's call communication, which is very easy to mimic. In contrast, if you start love the in-laws, they will likely love you back, in a way you never imagine. It's also communication. Which method do you like to have? Is, up to you.
Yes, there are really bad "in-laws"; however, if you think they are "bad", then, in my opinion, your "perfect one" aren't that "perfect" to me, so aren't you...
We love to point finger at others, yes, it's enjoyable, but how "perfect" are we?
In a way, "in-laws" are in-laws, whether you like it or not, it's part of the package, if you can't define the package at first and well, it's the life that tag with you, until the breakup. Even after the breakup, it's still with you in some way...
Loving others, could be the way to eliminate the "in-law" issue... but, having the "good purchase" is even crucial...
Love is blind, yet you shouldn't be dumb.
"I love thee, but not them", should not be a statement in the union. If you keep saying that, it just shows how dumb and shallow you're. And there's no cure for it.
"I love thee, so are them."
-TT
Aug, 8th, '12.
@Toga.
--
Growing up with many extend family members is a wonderful thing, it just shown you a lot about life, which, in some way, prevent you from doing the exact thing they done, that you don't feel "normal" about it.
My lovely grandparent had bunch of siblings, thus, numerous unknown relationships are upon on you when you were born. Upon till this day, I'm still confused on who's who, and what those weird connections mean. I love the way Western world states: "Uncle", "Aunt", that's it. And "Uncle to the third degree", or "Aunt to the fifth degree" is also a mystery, however, in today's fast environment, you often don't know they are even exist.
Action, and Drama, among these tight relationships are just a fun watch, gossiping, badmouthing, behind the scene actions, planning, etc., is a strategic planning, Project-K, K, for knock-out. Of course, it's not that dramatic all the time, but it could happen, from time to time. And that's what made us human, where the fun begins, and lively society is based on.
BRAVO's "Real xxxxxx in xxxxx" can't even compare to this trueness around the world, 24/7.
It is your first training ground, prep for the world to conquer, shape you to be whomever you don't want to be, as psychologically shown, it's in you somewhere, waiting to be tick. So, a great self-control is needed, and can be learn. That is, if you know what to learn and what to avoid.
A new union between two party is a joy, of course, however, there's a behind the scene as well.
"I love thee, but not them."
A join between two single person can happen easily, yet, with two families, well, it's a joy as well, a different kind of joy.
I often heard and watch the way people mention about the "in-laws", from various generations, sorry, I just happen to know a lot of people, and they do like to chat. The magic word of "in-law" really can change the topic into a phantom zone, you often will heard all sorts of creative comments that's beyond your normal imagination. I'm sure, many in the situation can tell you 'even more' about their case, and injustices or something they truly felt. And believe me, they all said their case is: 'one and unique'...
Honestly, I even heard the similar story from a very kind friend of mine, I was bit shock at the time, and looked at her in my deep thinking while she kept chatting about her 'unique' story.
"In-Laws" are magical, but, haven't you met with them before your union?? Aren't you suppose to know them before you tie the knot? Or you just simply ignoring them at the time, think they will be gone and disappear??
Come on~ Marriage is between two families, it's never about the two person happily tie together!
It started with two person, and all those behind them, then fuse together, it's an union of human being.
If people are so blindly ignoring this fact, then... "What WERE YOU THINKING???"
Yes, love a person is easy, love an entire family is a challenge, especially if that family is huge.
However, is it really that difficult to love two extra person? The two person that brought you the "perfect partner", who raise and nurture him/her for you? Maybe you can ignore the siblings if you want to, but can't you just love your partner's parent as your own?
"Your parent, my parent, your dad, my dad, your mom, my mom...."
It's "OUR PARENT!! OUR DAD, OUR MOM!!" You idiot...
More crucially, without them, there's no "US". I guess some people never thought of that...
It's a straightforward concept, but seems difficult to execute... to some, it's an alien founding, and still refuse to accept.
Regardless of race, education level, location, this really seem to be a 'hub' of all issues.
In technical world, we 'troubleshoot', in psychology world, we study and find the patterns.
In real life, it's a mess when mentioning "in-laws". And often time a marriage went bad because of the tiniest thing like this, as it evolves overtime, it became a hurdle in the marriage.
According to U.S. study, the phrase "Mother-in-Law" done the most magic, most destructive, it should have a category of its own, and would likely fill up Wikipeidia in no time.
Then, if this is somewhat true, and history do shown it often and well, aren't you suppose to "look" before you, uh, "purchase"??
In many way, people do comparison shoppings, there are many sites provide the information to assist your shopping experience, and course, in U.S., the refund policy is pretty generous.
Sorry, I don't suggest you to "refund" your marriage, but I think, I think you can at least done the research before your marriage...
Research topics can be vary, just like academia, tons of idea and weird topic can be thesis...
So.... what's so difficult to try to understand the two lovely parent who created the one you're deeply in love with??
If you think, you are deeply love bits and piece of a person, does it hurt to explore his/her origin? and try to understand how, why he/she become to be the "perfect one" for you? If you never really spend time to know the parent, then started having complaints post marriage, it's your fault.
On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to have "extra parent", who would care about you, and love you. The extra "potential parent', is great~ isn't it?
Why you have to push them away, and badmouthing them from behind?? (actually, if you really want to badmouth a person, it's more fun to do it in their face.. that's another topic...)
Often time, hearing the arguments against the "in-laws" just made me wonder, how could a kind person began to say the way they said, their facial expression is amazing. I would really want to take the picture or videotape it down for them to watch on their own when they calm down.... Or, shown the clip during their kids' wedding~~ "yeah kids, it's okay if one day you want to protest, 'cause they done it before'..."
Unlike many things in life, the union like this can't be selected, you can't say you want the "perfect one" but not their parent, or their siblings. Likewise, once you started making this type of concerns, your "perfect one" will do the same to your family as well. Vice versa, it's call communication, which is very easy to mimic. In contrast, if you start love the in-laws, they will likely love you back, in a way you never imagine. It's also communication. Which method do you like to have? Is, up to you.
Yes, there are really bad "in-laws"; however, if you think they are "bad", then, in my opinion, your "perfect one" aren't that "perfect" to me, so aren't you...
We love to point finger at others, yes, it's enjoyable, but how "perfect" are we?
In a way, "in-laws" are in-laws, whether you like it or not, it's part of the package, if you can't define the package at first and well, it's the life that tag with you, until the breakup. Even after the breakup, it's still with you in some way...
Loving others, could be the way to eliminate the "in-law" issue... but, having the "good purchase" is even crucial...
Love is blind, yet you shouldn't be dumb.
"I love thee, but not them", should not be a statement in the union. If you keep saying that, it just shows how dumb and shallow you're. And there's no cure for it.
"I love thee, so are them."
-TT
Aug, 8th, '12.
@Toga.
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