Fin de l'année 2010.
Fin de l'année 2010.
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Конец 2010 года./End of 2010.
To be honest, at this point, I have no clue what have I done in the entire 2010, and it's about to be over in couple hours...
All I knew was that I wasn't home much, travel to places for probably more than half of this year abroad.... That, is a scary thought... 'cause my schedule isn't going to be much better next year... this, if all my plans work, probably will be my lifestyle for a while on the foreseeable future...
Unbearable, Unloading, Unacceptable, Unfortunately, Unusual, Ultimately...
Life, often give challenges that one must concur and take the blame silently...
If, there's a turning point, then, 2010 is probably a one for me for sure...
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Traveling all over the place and meeting new people, getting to know a different cultural group or two, is, undoubtedly an exciting experience that I won't give away.. and those are precious memories that I'll always keep with me, hopefully it will give me more insightful ideas for the future.
Creativities runs wild while traveling... the hard part is to sort and organize them all into prospects...
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Taiwan, Russia, Caribbean, Thailand, Cambodia, Myanmar, Laos....
You know, I've been avoiding China for two years now... and looks like it's inevitable for 2011..
Anyhow, that's next year.. this passage is about 2010...
-- Thailand, Cambodia, Laos:
Upon a request, I took another volunteering trip to SouthEast Asia, Thailand... A place I visited back in 2000, and caused part of me dearly even till today... thus, revisit from a different route surely brought some memory back to me, and gain a new insights.
I was weary and not in well condition when starting the program in early Dec., yet, facing new group of people and children, all I can do was to force myself back to a 'normal' mode, to perform at my best to every possible situation... and mingle at best as I can, all because I don't want to loose the chance to meet more great, kind, warm people, and of course, the children...
From time to time, I thought I'm anti-Asian myself... there are so many thing and rituals that I don't agree on, and running away from... all because I'm too aware of the culture's weakness... Through this Thailand trip, I rediscover things that I so blindly forgot and overlooked at...
I'm touched by the Thai culture and courtesy that I often don't receive in Chinese societies.. which, I felt shame about it..
There are many things I can't really change, but can try to influence... if, I can gather more aids and put them into actions, then all my life's goal or purpose should be achieve, well, in a way...
Yes, I love the children in Thailand as well... even I only spent a mere short seven actual working days with them... the preschoolers are just too lovable that draws my attention away from many worry thoughts...
In there, I have a cutest troublemaker that I connected since day 1, and there are couple special ed. boys that I tried to be with...
In the Thai preschool, many of us volunteers realized that girls are more open and wilder than boys, as boys are timid and reluctant to be with us foreigner...
"Teacher Cilla~~", "Teacher Tony~", "Teacher~~~ please~" "Sorry Teacher, sorry..." etc..
With a slightly raised tone and accent, those sounds are just good memories that all of us won't forget, 'cause it's the warmth from heart. That, is what we foreign volunteers need, a sense of natural emotion without add-ons.. The purity of the heart, is, priceless...
The kind and humble Thai teachers are so fond within us, that we don't know what to say but accept with guilt... as we didn't do much there, only spent time to be and try to figure the routine out of their daily life... Trust me, we all confused on daily bases...
Thai, in general, do have more kindly manner and courtesy than most Chinese today, I'm afraid to say it this way... Their education structure is so bond with the Buddhism religion that influence their entire growth.. Kids chanted everyday, pray for all the blessings in life...
Listening to the daily chant from the children, it gives a peace of mind, and sense of serenity that one can easily meditate into that moment, even thought it's approaching 40c w/ humidity there... yeah, in Dec....
When little girls wans to you with a timid smile, those, are just things you felt so touching and never want to leave... much as the feeling I often encountered in Russia...
On the assembly of my departure day, the lovely troublemaker bursted into tears upon hearing my departure news, she can't control herself but let it cry out... tears just drop down without notice... I was shaking hands and hugging with all other children while the Thai teachers smiled and Cilla called out the little lovely incident. Hurried as I can, hug the troublemaker from behind and gave her the warmth as much as I can... Well, it's the only thing I can do... sadly to say...
That day, the autism boy also jumped to me and wanted to play with me, finally, that he also knew I'm leaving and wish to hang on little longer... While other boys and girls just tied to me.. well, no matter how much I like them, still, departure is departure... I just don't realize it would happen in this short amount of time...
Cilla also sent note that teachers are asking for me this week;
One of the teacher hugged and say "I love you" to say goodbye on my last moment there, there are flowers and gifts during that morning assembly that made it seem so crucial... yet, what have I done there??? Basically nothing... yeah, nothing much I have done there made me important, yet, it's the presence in that place, in that moment, made the recipients felt warm and being cared... That, is the beauty of this volunteering model...
Of course, we can do more, much more... and majority of us volunteers wish to do more... all because we saw things that need help, and we aren't cheap or stingy to provide the helps... regardless of race and gender, or ethnic group... that, is the pure essence of volunteerism... and, yes, most of us do have that in heart, that's why we were there and still will be..
I'm not sure now, that, whether I'm fond with the culture or the children in general... I'm lost there... 'cause it's very easy to lost yourself and mind in that environment..
Discussion with most of the volunteers, that we all found that, we love children, regardless of their race or nationality, or whatever things that people tried to draw a line and put them into categories... we, simply just love children, period.
I love most of the volunteers with true compassion to provide their time and energy, and wealth to be at place to serve... I learn a lot from them, and I also discover a lot about myself...
Indifferent cultural are what attract us in the first place, yet, for many volunteers, it's beyond that, there are many things we can't clearly define nor wish to expose... 'cause, words, can't describe the feelings... Really, you just have to be there to feel it... and, maybe understand it..
Cambodia: World of mystery
Some of us decided to visit Angkor for the weekend... Of course, visiting the famous Angkor temples... I have gather more photos than I thought I would... but, facing those children there strike some of us hard, and wish to return to do some volunteering if possible... That, is a place where we should do more there...
Trust me, tourists aren't the best method for them now.. as we all saw disgusted behavior from Asian tourists that treat monks like monkey, telling them to "pose" for them, all because "they paid"...
Those inadequate behaviors just made me mad and made me so want to slap those idiots around... as they have no rights to enslave others just because they got the coins..
I have took a photo on Ta Prohm temple, which many of us called it a National Geographic moment, I love it.. it's my wallpaper now... however, it's not an entirely merry moment, as story behind the scene just made some of us thinking and thinking...
Life, isn't perfect, especially in those difficult places... it's just that, have we ever thought of it, and what we can do to it... if, we want to do more, how deep should we go?? 'cause, it's a never ending process...
I wish people to be merry, yet, often I locked myself and provide more than I should to offer for others... well, it may not have the short term benefit, however, the seeds will just grow without me knowing... to many, I shouldn't know the outcome anyway...
Myanmar, Laos:
Myanmar was a place where my uncle tried so hard in grabing me over... yet, I often refuse to go.. this time around, was just a thought of "cross the boarder"... since we are there...
All we went was the boarder market... If you knew me, I'm not the market person, especially in Asia... All the Asian markets are crowded, and often sell low quality items in duplicate vendors tie in a small narrow path where everyone crunching each other... and, in a humid climate...
Thus, it's not really my favorite place to visit at all... Walking and glance through it just made me wonder, how come this type of ritual or practice still exist and shared among all Asia?? That doesn't matter what country or place, it still exist... Silk road era is long gone, and mass commerce market is elevate into an era where clean and neat setting can be done... Still, in most places, the market setting still attracts many tourists, as the mentality that items are cheap and price is negotiable... these, are the fun where some tourists like... it's just not me... seriously not me...
Unfortunately we spent more time than we should at Myanmar, that delayed and skipped some of our destination later that day.
A peak of Myanmar doesn't really show us anything, since all boarders are alike, chaotic and full of merchants trying to grab tourists' money enable to survive... Guess I'll have to visit another time then...
In Laos, even it's a very short visit, well, less than an hour, still, remind me of those tribal group that live in their own circle.. when facing the outside world, it's just a method of survival... Yes, life is hard... very hard... Woman feeding babies, and grandma selling goods, little boy and girls reach their hands out, begging for money... Those, are the lowest imagine one can have... Was Lao like this all over the place? I hope not, but in touristy area, it's bound to like this... 'cause it might help.. well, somehow...
ASEAN countries aren't not all equal... however, it's a force group that needs balance itself enable to compete with other part of the world... Rich or poor, it's all here... I saw the glamorous Rich Singapore last year, and this year in somewhat poorest area, Cambodia/Laos along with kindest Thai culture... This travel pattern, just unimaginable and unplanned... All, are just a mere glance of the world that I should travel more and more to seek out the solution for many things I have doubts on...
Life, isn't about self... I hope someone do understand that in the end...
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End of 2010, a busy traveling year for me, and to be honest, at this moment, my mind is all lost and can't really focus on many things... Which is why I said, travel, viewing too much, isn't healthy at all... and if someone did envy the lifestyle, then he/she must not really using their inner eye/heart to look at things surround them... Once you opened the gate, there's no way back... The more knowledge and skills learned, means, you're more screwed... trust me.. grass is always greener on other's field...
What I learned this year, well, almost went blank now... all I knew was, next year, more or so, be even crazier...
Like others, I have more things to worry about than usual, more add-ons just create tense pressures that many rarely noticed... only a few can tell and felt my inner self... I appreciate their concern and thank them for the detail and care, those are the warmth I rarely received, thus, I won't let them down.
Changing wind, sifting sounds, all indicate a path lies ahead that I still need to walk on my own...
Life in 2010, is a memory, a good and bad one... for that, I'll preserve it with me, always..
2011, well, I will not know what can happen until Dec. 31st 2011... so, yeah, bring it on~
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TonyT
Dec. 31, 2010
** I'm still weary by the way... sooo~ sleepy...
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